The Reality of Struggling with Self
Love
It comes in waves, sometimes it
takes months for it to build up until I break, sometimes it takes one wrong
thing out of one persons mouth. Unfortnately there is no telling when one of
these “episodes” will come over me. I wish I could, because then, I could stop
them from coming. I could stop myself from waking up in the middle of the night
just to lay there and cry about the mole on my chin, or the fact that ive been
gaining weight. I would find ways to loose the weight and get healthy. But I
cant do this, ive tried, I hate being so down about myself but ive been
compared to others for so long that Im not sure where I stand. I look down when
someone tries to make eye contact worried they think im as ugly as I think I
am.
In reality, im not ugly. I have a
big heart, I am hard working, Commited, and I give my all when it comes to what
I do. But that doesn’t always seem like enough. I don’t ever feel that it is
enough. That’s what makes it so hard. I am convinced that people are lying to
me all the time because I have been taught through the terrible people that I
spend my time with, that you cant trust anyone. You cant let your guard down,
every time that I have, ive been screwed over. So, I rely on me only. I don’t trust
others and that’s hard! I want to , but I simply cant. So, there is where we will
start, by learning how to trust others so that I can start to love myself
again. I need to do what makes me happy and nothing else!
So tag along for the ride as I share
stories and how I will be healing!
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